


Pink Carnations for Haurchefant

by TheVantass



Series: The David Chronicles [3]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Heavensward Spoilers, Vague Warrior of Light/Haurchefant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 15:24:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9447413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVantass/pseuds/TheVantass
Summary: Friendly Neighborhood Stripper Tank puts on his Serious Hat, cries





	

The Coerthas Central Highlands were, for the most part, cold, quiet, and lonely. A setting David Douxmont found oddly fitting. He thought about how, as he was traveling alone, he was also cold, quiet, and lonely. His feet crunched through the snow, and he was clad in very little clothing (as per usual). He walked slowly, north of Camp Dragonhead, carrying a large bouquet of bright pink flowers. He looked down at them and was suddenly reminded of walking down the aisle, when he got eternally bonded… for a week. His heart twinged with bittersweet memories of his first husband. Bitter because they had gotten divorced so quickly, and sweet because they somehow were still friends. And besides, David and Alvo had both moved on. Alvo was now married to David’s cousin, Furiosa, and David had a prospect on the horizon that he felt pretty good about. In fact, more than felt -- he knew that Xha’a would stick around for quite a while.

A strong gust of wind blew in from the right, blowing David’s cold earring against his neck. He shivered impulsively. Looking up from the flowers, he noticed he was about halfway there. Why he had decided to walk instead of taking Chocobro remained a mystery, even to David. It gave him a long time to reflect, which was not necessarily something he wanted to do. Being alone with his thoughts was never something David was fond of, and now he almost wished he had brought Amh with him. Almost. But he wanted to do this alone. He didn’t want anyone else to have to listen.

He tries to distract himself. Memories of his friends made David feel warm again, if only in his head. His closest friends Amh, Na’ir, and Chiyo elicited the warmest thoughts, but memories of everyone together weren’t far behind. Memories of more successful Eternal Bonding ceremonies, like Mhoto’to and Brantly’s or Lorven and Lahen’s, which were very large, happy occasions, and hot tub parties, and adventuring with Henrik and Mordecai (note: Mordecai is pronounced ‘Robert’) flooded his mind. He thought of Nenela taking pictures at parties and everyone having to stand really still (or, not, because it mostly devolved into everyone being really silly). He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face.

However, he was quickly approaching his destination. He could see the rock bearing Menphina’s symbol on the horizon. How fitting. His warm thoughts soon turned as cold as the wind around him, and he felt empty walking up to the memorial. Haurchefant’s death weighed heavy on David’s heart even now, after so much time. It stung like taking a tank buster right to the face. He felt guilt, he felt a deep, resonating agony. He always felt like he should have known and been prepared, but he hadn’t foreseen it. Not until it was entirely too late. Still, David knew so many things, so many mundane things, and yet he hadn’t known about the worst moment of his life until it happened.

Knowing things you shouldn’t know is a very fickle ability.

He clutched the bouquet tighter, closer to his body. Francel’s words echoed in his mind:

“It doesn’t get any easier, does it?”

“No, no it doesn’t.” David thought in response. He shifted the bouquet to one hand as he kneeled down to pray. He hadn’t felt like he was Nymeia’s favor lately, but he prayed to her anyway. And, although he had never thought much of Halone, he prayed to her, too. After a few seconds, David looked up, set the bouquet down in front of the stone and next to the shield, and then promptly sat down. The snow was cold. Now colder than the air, but cold. And damp. He’d be risking frostbite either standing or sitting, if he could get it. This, however, was more comfortable, and he knew he was gonna be there a while.

“Hey man.” He began, his voice hoarse from lack of use. He cleared his throat. He felt so weird talking out here, disturbing the quiet. “I haven’t been out here in a long time. Forgive me.” he finds himself laughing a little. “Although, I doubt you’d have been upset with me in the first place.”

David shifts to a slightly different sitting position before continuing. “I-I hope you were aware of just how much you meant to me. To us. To everyone. We can never thank you enough for what you did. For what you represented. You were like, a shining beacon of hope and support.” He sighed. “I only wish it had been me instead. I would have so gladly taken your place, Haurchefant. I would do anything to have you back, even if it meant I couldn’t experience it.”

He glances up at Ishgard in the distance. “Na’ir misses you. A lot. I can tell. Mostly because she mentions it occasionally. She might miss you more than I do. I know Amh misses you, too. But I can’t quite find the right way to articulate how much I miss you. Coming out here every day used to make me feel closer to you, but now it just… it makes me so sad. Because I- we’ll never have you back.” he sits cross-legged, with his hands in his lap. “Sometimes I feel like it’s ridiculous of me. To still be grieving you. It’s so selfish of me to act like I’m the only one who misses you. But no one really understands. Jonothan left me, you know. He didn’t understand either. He didn’t understand what it’s like to lose a friend as close to him as you were to me. And, really, it was unfair to him for me to be so upset for so long. You were more important to me than he was, and he deserved someone who would make him top priority.” He pops the knuckles on his left hand, looking down. He feels tears welling in his eyes, and makes no effort to stop them. He was now very, very glad that he had come alone.

“I’ve never been good with my feelings. I wasn’t sure what I had been feeling until it was too late. And, even now, I’m not entirely sure what I felt. But I know that I love you.” He clears his throat, looking back up to the cold stone with Haurchefant’s name on it. “I loved you, and I still do. Honestly, I always will.” He finds himself reminded of the last letter Johnothan had written him. “I just, I don’t know if I loved you the way Na’ir did or the way everyone else did. Or the way I loved Johnothan. Or the way I love Xha’a now. Not that it would have mattered. I would have never done anything to get between you and Na’ir. I’d never want to see either you or Na’ir unhappy. I’m glad beyond words that you were happy… but if I could just have you back…” he trailed off, looking down. He then laughs lightly, before looking back up. “It seems I’ve become a complete wreck in your absence. I’d give anything to feel whole again, but you seem to have left a hole in my heart that I can not fill. I would say you’d be disappointed, but I know you wouldn’t be. You’d just make hot chocolate, and invite me by the fire, and tell me it’s okay.” He sighs. “I wish I could have told you goodbye.”

David scratches the back of his neck. “I’m not so good with my words, either. The time I got to spend with you was some of the best time of my life. I didn’t want to continue on after losing you. Some days, It’s really hard to continue. But I know you would want me to. You wouldn’t want me to give up; after all, you gave your life so that we might go forward and make Eorzea just a little safer.” The wind blew, again blowing his earring against his neck, but he was so cold he didn’t really care. “I’ll carry you with me for the rest of my life. This shield symbolizes that. It will protect me the way you did. Even with every day that passes by, I will not forget you. That’s why I brought you pink carnations. I picked up only enough flower language to be dangerous, but I know pink carnations. I thought of you when I heard they mean ‘I’ll never forget you’. I’ve been meaning to come out here for some time but… I wanted to be alone. I don’t need everyone knowing that I’m capable of articulating complex thoughts; they might come to expect it from me.”

He stands. “If only I had told you what you meant to me when I was sure you could still hear it. I should have known…” He trails off. “I’ll try to come around more; it still makes me feel closer to you. Maybe it won’t be so sad for me some day. And maybe I’ll not come alone, so I won’t drone on on the otherwise really quiet cliff. Or linger so long that I feel frozen solid from head to toe. It’s so hard for me to leave.” He sighs deeply and smiles. After all, someone had once told David that a smile better suits a hero. “Knowing you could be out there, somewhere, cheering us on still… it means everything to me.”

With that, David finds he has said everything that he had been feeling since Haurchefant had died. All of the regret, the sadness, the self-pity. He felt like a weight had begun to lift from his shoulders. David knew it would lift slowly, but now he could begin to heal properly. “I’ll never forget you, Haurchefant. I know I’ll see you again some day.”

He then turns on his heel, and begins the long walk back to Camp Dragonhead, though the walk feels less lonely this time.


End file.
